I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize