I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
