Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
