i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize