i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
