If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
