I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
