So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
