singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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