I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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