when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
