Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
