he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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