I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
vagina is talking i cant
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
