She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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