Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
