I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
