I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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