there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
