when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
