You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize