not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
