Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ttyl tear gas
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
