I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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