literally had 100 drinks last night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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