Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
