My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
