I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this is an emotional support booty call
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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