Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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