It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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