Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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