Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
