OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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