So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
