I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
