Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(906): View more from Michigan

Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow

(248): View more from Michigan

Perfect. Like where your heads at

(906): View more from Michigan

By relax I mean have sex

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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(705): View more from Ontario

Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

(1-705): View more from Ontario

That would be awkward if he commented on your status

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(512): View more from Texas

They should make Jack Daniels chap stick

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

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(813): View more from Florida

If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

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(815): View more from Illinois

Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.

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