I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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