I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
