I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
