Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
