Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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