This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
