I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
