best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
