I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
