morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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