My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
