Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So vagazzling was a success
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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