You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
