Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
