I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
