I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
