He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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