i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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