Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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