you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
