Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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