fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I love you. Go after that dick
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