You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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