your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Alive.
So much puke
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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