no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
