i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
