I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
