We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
