Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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