if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
