I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
